It's been pretty quiet on the Jones blog lately. Part of it is because I've been busy and/or out of town for the past few weeks. The other part is because I feel like I've been "exposed."
In one of his recent sermons, B had a side point he wanted to expand on further, but didn't have time during the service. He had written an essay about it on his blog instead and referred people there for further discussion. When I heard him announce that from the pulpit, my immediate - and pretty self centered - thought was, "Oh no! He links to my blog. All these people are going to find it." Now I'm feeling all self conscious about what I write. I have this self-imposed stress about trying to live up to some arbitrary standard of "pastor's wife." Somehow my posts about potty training and inadvertant prank phone calls don't seem to measure up.
Not that I can recall
ever hearing anything critical said about myself or anyone else at our church. It's really a very loving and accepting place. It's just that I have this problem (sin) of imagining I know what people are really thinking. No doubt, they're not even thinking about me at all, let alone thinking what I think they're thinking.
It's a little ironic that I'm feeling this way about my blog because of how I became interested in blogging in the first place. The first time I read a stranger's blog it was a series of posts about this very issue. My friend Julie linked from
her blog to Jeana at
Days to Come and her posts entitled The Hidden Message (which you can find
here,
here,
here, and
here). It really struck a chord with me, because I do exactly what she's talking about all too frequently. I kept reading her blog after that and became hooked. After a while of reading hers and some of the ladies she links to, I thought it would be fun to start one of my own. It was intended to be a means of documenting many of the cute things my children do, keeping a few close friends and family updated on our lives, and perhaps improving my writing skills a bit. I felt no pressure, because these people already know how flawed I am, and the complete strangers who stumble across me probably don't really care.
So now, I'm going to try to get past my pride and desire to have people think only the best of me. I'm going carry on sharing my random thoughts and events in our lives without trying to impress anyone. If you're one of our CBC friends who has stumbled over here, Welcome!
