Confessions of a Speedy Mom

I'm not Catholic, but I did do a little confession at church yesterday.

At the end of the service we were having the typical honor-the-mothers thing that churches like to do on mother's day. They didn't give flowers to the woman with the most grandchildren, the newest baby, or the most children. This year they got a little more creative. There were categories honoring a mother who had been a caregiver for her own mother; the woman who most recently found out she was expecting; the mother who had most recently made homemade cookies for her family.

The final category was for the mother with the most speeding tickets. I'm not sure who decided that was a distinction worth receiving flowers. I suspect it was just a ploy to entice confessions so folks could know who to look out for in the parking lot and who not to let their kids carpool with.

I was pretty sure I could be a contender for the most, but debated whether or not I should fess up. This blog notwithstanding, I'd like to keep some semblance of respectability at church. On the other hand, we were going to my parents' home after church, and what with work being so busy lately and planning for H's birthday party this weekend, I hadn't gotten around to getting my mom a gift. (I'm a real slacker of a daughter, I know). I thought maybe this was my chance to win some flowers to take to her. So after seeing that lots of other women were willing to publicly admit their run-ins with the law, I stood up too.

My memory was a little fuzzy on the spot, but I could clearly remember 3 different tickets I'd received. There ended up being three of us tied for 3 tickets each. They broke the tie by giving the flowers to the woman who'd gotten her ticket most recently. Not me. So in essence, I publicly shamed myself and had nothing to show for it.

Here's where I try to salvage my reputation: All my offenses occurred while I was in high school or college. My last ticket was 14 years ago. I can remember that because I was driving through WV on the way home from my brother's wedding. Dad was driving his car. My mom and I were following in my brother's car - which happened to still be decorated with "Just Married" signs. I'm not sure what the officer thought, but he wasn't about to cut me any slack. The "I couldn't have been speeding, Officer, I was following my dad and he never speeds" argument didn't cut it.

So I'd like to say that although I used to be a bad driver, I'm really not anymore. Really.

Except that when I thought about it a little more last night, I remembered a fourth ticket (still more than 14 years ago), so I should have won the flowers after all. I guess my friend Lori sensed that, because today she brought me the flowers she'd won. She had gotten them for something far more noble that I had done. They're beautiful and smell lovely too. Thanks a bunch, Lori!